Quasimodo: A Timeline

Happy Damn Independence Day Husband.

It's reminiscent of your birthday when you broke your finger, and that random day that started out well and ended up with a canned chicken attack and me treating for shock.

Husband came blasting into the house, swearing at the top of his lungs in the midst of my trifleing experiment (mines on the right... looks deelish, no? They were out of blueberries, stupid store. I was trying to be patriotic, but gave up. My husband is in the Army and I still like our country despite the retards that run it, so it's as patriotic as it gets. Our big celebration for the 4th was taking an early morning nap, and also getting an afternoon one! But I digress...) mad as a hornet. 

Literally. He had just gotten bit by one. 

In.

The.

Face.

His annoyance here was that it looked like a zit on his nose but I still wanted a picture.

Kudos to me for getting the 'before' picture and enabling the coolest progression timeline of facial swelling EVAH!!

3 minutes later....

5-8 minutes later.....

14 minutes from bite-time...

I lost track of time here. Actually, I just made those other times up. I have no idea what the times were.

Just like to send a big shout out to Ryker, who was a tremendous help during the process with his continual whining and barking for lack of attention.

You were a real lifesaver, dog.

Another big thanks to our other contributors, namely Cindy-Mom, Web MD and Verizon, for providing the phone service. Much gratitude to Benadryl, which eventually made him groggy enough I could force some Advil on him without too much fight. And to ice packs everywhere.

You sure do save face.

The tortoise-ish, not the hare.

Check this guy out!

I found him on a walk the other day. Isn't he great? I didn't know turtles just strolled around.

I guess the south has a few benefits. The heat index of 115 makes me require reminders.

Church Cruisers

What do the following phrases have in common? 

BRAAAAAAPP 

Ah ha! Ah ha! Ahhh HAAAAA!

Neeerooooooooom

(Singing) In the jungle, the mighty jungle...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Vroom, vroom, Vroooooom!

We're coming! We're comiiiiiiing!

Collectively, it's everything Husband screamed in joy as we cruised around this weekend in Colorado.

And yes, that's a dress.

Pillow Sneaker Stealer Taker

This picture was taken seconds after husband rolled out of bed. That pillow is husbands, and he rarely moves outside of it's range when he sleeps. Wonder where husband slept all night? So do we. I'm thinking on the very edge of the bed because that's where I end up when Ryker sleeps with us and he decides to cuddle with me.

Oh yeah. That's every. night.

Luckily he switches who he cuddles with from night to night. Sometimes in the middle of the night. The only guarantee is that at least one of us will wake up with a blocked trachea because his body is lying across our neck/face. The other lucky fellow will suffer a punch or two in the jaw from flying limbs, or a butt shot. True story, I've been decked in the face before.

We've recently taken to calling him Bambii. He's incredibly lurpy, don't you think? He's also discovering what fun chasing butterflies is, and all the many ways to push Mom's buttons, like trying to dig into the Lovesac.

This picture was taken when he woke up from a cuddle session with me while I watched Biggest Loser (it's my latest obsession). It's a good thing I'm a hard nose and rarely indulge in such weakness.

Only like every other hour.

Little Nothings

Just a few things we (mostly Katie) learned the past few weeks...

-Treebeard is voiced by John Rhys Davies (aka Gimli). Who knew, huh?!

-4 month old puppies should lose off-leash-privileges-in-the-front-yard to avoid potential catastrophes with the neighbors.

-Ticks hurt when they bite.

-Keeping track of seventeen 12-year-old girls at girls camp requires mucho, mucho brain power. I thought Ryker was a trial in patience and then I became reacquainted with puberty.

-It can be so humid that you sweat in the shower. What fun huh?! It avoids having to do laundry for towels, because there's no point, right?

-Husband and I have found equality in marriage already (11 month anniversary on Saturday- woot!). He crushes on Iron man, and I crush on Thor. We've seen the Avengers. Maybe twice.

-Never say 'Ok, we'll let puppy sleep in bed with us just tonight, just because it's the weekend.' That weekend night stretches into every night, and soon enough you wake every morning, (or every 2 am) to a wet nose snivelling at your throat. With great love, of course.

-Dogs get allergies! Ryker has blown some level 10 snot rockets lately, and wakes himself up sneezing and yawning, sometimes simultaneously. I giggle every time, but mostly because his tongue is like 8 feet long.

Hopeless...

Conversation. Of. The. Day

Video chatting with the in laws, whom Katie adores, when The Shrew commences destructive chewing on couch. In a voice filled with warning she says-

Katie: Ryker, keep that up and you're fixin' for a nap.

Stops. Gasps. Stares at husband in surprise and then wails-

Katie: Oh no! The south is getting to me!

Dear Football Gods...

Husband came downstairs to ask me if something was wrong with his hand, and if so, could it wait until tomorrow to get fixed?

I told him no, something was wrong with his head. Then quickly snapped a picture, like any loving wife would do.

I'd like to tell you these were injuries sustained from saving a child from an out of control car, but they weren't. They are the results of a mandatory weekly football game between MCCC classes in which they wear a shirt that says 'Moonwalkers' for a jersey and have a picture of Michael Jackson on the back. 

Does that tell you how seriously these games should be taken?

We had a little talk about the importance of not sacrificing our bodies to the gods of football, as they don't respond very kindly.

The 6-8 weeks in a splint will help take care of that.