Ice, ice baby.

I feel the importance of this post cannot be overstated. I now call on Tara, Jessica and/or anyone else in anyway associated with myself or my family for backup.

This is husband. (Ignore the goat. It attached itself to Husband and bleated its way into our hearts so we brought it home and named it Dave. Ok, not really. Isn't he handsome? The goat thought so too. We met at a recent adventure we had at a petting zoo in Nashville. Zoos-that's how we roll. But this post is definitely not about zoo's, the infatuation I have with husband or goats in the least. Please, read on.)

Husband is really smart. Wickedly smart. So smart that he has with 100% certainty figured out the single most important piece of information he'll ever need to know in order to ensure the happiness of myself (and consequently his) and our future generations howevermany they may be.

Sonic Ice.

Its sort of a thing with my family. Ok, a big thing. A huge thing.

Comparative to breathing, thing.

I didn't make a big deal of it at first because we all slowly bring things into marriage as we get settled. Well, Turkey day was approaching and I got 2 bags just 'in honor of the season.' (When I say it's a huge thing, I actually mean gigantic. I'm not ashamed to admit we may have bought one of those massive white coolers that could fit a human body in just to have enough space for the 8 bags of Sonic ice we eat in less than week when gathered for the holidays and/or reunions. It's not a problem for when we gather at Scott's- he has a pebble ice machine. Nobel prize for whoever made those available for home use!)

It's like having that ONE cigarette just to calm your nerves after quitting for ten years. Stoooopid.

So, I've re-acquainted myself with the bad habit of chewing ice constantly. (At least now I can say it's not because I'm sex deprived.) But rest assured! I used Listerine Pro Enamel, which counters any damage that Sonic and or the happiness of ice may bring to my teeth. There's something that whispers ecstasy in the deepest chambers of my heart when I have a big cup (preeeetty much always BYU based. Another thing- another post.) with a big straw to stir up the ice and drink. Except now I have to deal with the side effects- like always being cold.

Worth it.

Husband accepts, occasionally participates in and, like a good husband, doesn't mind the massive space it occupies in our freezer.

His and Hers

This is our bed.

This is our bed when Husband is in charge of the pillows.

But really, is anyone surprised at his decorating prowess?

The Non-Tornado.

I confess.

I don't like the smell outside after it rains because it smells like worms and I sincerely believe that everything you need to know in life you can learn from Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Last night as I was driving home I noted the weird hue of the clouds I was driving towards, as well as the electrical lightning dance going on inside them with something of a- 'huh, weird.' Didn't really think too much of it until I got a text from my friend that said, 'By the way, tornado warnings tonight.' (Keep in mind it's November.)

Oh that's ok. I got this.

I learned everything I need to know about tornado survival, and fatefully enough, I learned it all Sunday night, as if the tornado gods were sending me a study guide when I read through 'These Happy Golden Years,' by the aforementioned Laura Ingalls Wilder.

All you gotta do is go to the cellar when Pa tells you to go.

Don't start fretting, no tornado actually happened. Well if it did, I slept through it. Which I'm not ruling out as a possibility.

But it highlighted my ignorance.

Luckily, my friend Malisa was a great instructor. When I asked her, 'So... at what point do I know I need to be hiding?' she responded with, 'When you can hear it. If things are hitting the house, don't go outside. That's a really bad sign. So is growling. If you hear growling, you're out of luck.'

Ah, so simple.

When I looked around to decide where I would hide, I immediately ruled out the closet underneath the stairs. I'd run the risk of being buried alive if I opened the door, and that's not even taking into consideration how long it takes to shove everything back inside once you open it. Much too long. There's a certain skill set to flinging the junk in and immediately slamming it shut so it didn't spill back out.

'And you're going to want to hide in the closet underneath the stairs, since you don't have a basement.'

It was that point when I realized we were NOT going to have a tornado because I was not prepared to be so inconvenienced. I had to wake up early to work and I wasn't about to spend my hours dedicated to sleep curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor (it's really just half a bathroom- not even a tub to sleep in) with a 72 hour kit as a pillow.

It's not even that great of a 72 hour kit, to tell you truthfully. There's no sudoku in it yet. And I don't have a flashlight to fit the batteries that are in the kit for the flashlight that I don't yet have.

Annoyed, I finally made other arrangements when I said something like the following to Malisa,

'Hypothetically speaking, if a tornado were going to happen tonight and you were on your way into your basement to protect yourself because it had gotten that bad, do you think you'd remember something like, 'Hey, maybe I'll text Katie and let her know.''

To which she replied in the affirmative.

So I had it all worked out. If Malisa texted me that she was seeking shelter then so would I.(Assuming the text message woke me as I slept through the tornado). If I got desperate I'd play angry birds on my half-bathroom floor until it was safe.

See? Told you. All you gotta do is wait until Pa tells you to go into the cellar.

Ladies and gentlemen... Kathy Shirts!

Give some love and a big fat round of applause to momma who bravely stepped outside her box and went where even I wouldn't go....

The ELVIS PRESLEY BURGER!

I'm just so proud of her I could, and almost did, cry. Bacon, peanut butter, banana and meat on a delectable bun doesn't come around everyday. But it did yesterday.

Hard Rock Cafe Nashville, Kathy Shirts just rocked you.

Claim your prize, winner!

I'm not late posting the winner, it just took me this long to decide.

The winner is.... Megan!

Winning thought- 'I saw this on castaway once, but he used an ice skate.' It won because it made me laugh the hardest for the longest amount of time over the greatest amount of days. I thought about doing categories because the ronchier the joke, the better. (Typically... it's all about place and time) but just decided that's way too much work.

Jed posted a good one on Facebook, and I kept going back to one from the Shane Gang... let's just say it hasn't been an easy decision. All of you are weiners in my eyes! Thanks for playing, let's do this again!

Meg, email me your address and I'll send your treat!

Innocent...

Husband pointed out the other day that I have a habit of leaving clothes scattered around.

I have no idea what he's talking about.